Religious Jokes...

The Laodiceans blog about the new Religious Hatred Bill proposed for England and Wales. The Independent has a series of religious jokes to mark the occasion. Be warned that you may find some of them very offensive...

EMO PHILIPS
"I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: 'Stop. Don't do it.'
'Why shouldn't I?' he asked. 'Well, there's so much to live for!' 'Like what?' 'Are you religious?'
He said: 'Yes.' I said.
'Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?'
'Christian.'
'Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?'
'Protestant.'
'Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?'
'Baptist.'
'Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?'
'Baptist Church of God.'
'Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?'
'Reformed Baptist Church of God.'
'Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?'
He said: 'Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915.'
I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off."
MYRON COHEN
"A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads: "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back on to the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: 'He had a hat.' "
MONTY PYTHON FROM LIFE OF BRIAN
"Ex Leper: 'Yes, sir, a bloody miracle, sir. God bless you.'
Brian: 'Who cured you?'
Ex Leper: 'Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business. All of a sudden, up here he comes. Cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as by your leave.' 'You're cured mate.' Bloody do-gooder."
ROWAN ATKINSON IN BLACKADDER
"Bad weather is God's way of telling us we should burn more Catholics."
That last one is kinda context-dependent...