Women - Know Your Limits!

Seraphic offers advice for women who wonder why they are still single.
Seems as though the Brits figured the answer to that one decades ago:

Eh?

I've heard of little kids who like to dress up and play at being a priest. However, I've never seen anything like this before. What mom doesn't want her son looking like the Supreme Pontiff on his baptism day?

Testamints...

... and other religious candies.

To my American readers...

I understand that my bishop is visiting your country. (Please take good care of him.) That's why I'm going to leave the Pope-'blogging to you guys and will instead share this story of a hard-core Russian vodka-drinker:

A Russian man was struggling to remember a night of heavy drinking after waking to find a knife in his back.
Vodka drinker Yuri Lyalin, 53, was woken by his wife the next morning with not only a hangover but a six-inch blade between his shoulders.
Mr Lyalin managed to take a bus home, eat his breakfast and then fall into a deep sleep without realising he had been stabbed by his drinking partner.
It wasn't until his wife spotted the protruding handle and woke him, that an ambulance was called and he was taken to casualty.
Mr Lyalin, an electrician, had reportedly been drinking with a watchman at a factory in Vologda where he works.
It appears that the pair had an argument at some point before Mr Lyalin passed out.
The next morning when Mr Lyalin tried to resume his duties he was sent home for being inebriated.
None of his co-workers noticed the knife.
He then took a meandering course home, stopping to eat some sausage from his fridge before sleeping it off, according to Russian newspapers Komsomolskaya Pravda and Gazeta.
His doctor, Victor Belov, said the knife "went into soft tissue and by pure luck did not touch any vital organs," Komsomolskaya Pravda reported.
Mr Lyalin himself was philosophical about the incident.
"We got drunk together," he said. "Things happen when you drink."

Serabook
Oh, and Seraphic has published another book. I really enjoyed her first, but will wait a little while until I pretend to have read it before showering it with praise. ;)

Grave Matter
Both the Cranky Professor and Fr Tim Finigan visited one of my favourite places in Rome yesterday - the Campo Verano Cemetery.

Aesthetic Sensibilites of the Reich

There's an interesting article (with photograph) in the Telegraph. It's about some rare colour photographs of Hitler and opens with the following paragraphs:

As an arch propagandist, Adolf Hitler was happy to see his life recorded in dark shades of grey.

The Nazi leader believed that traditional black and white photographs best highlighted the sinister nature of his regime, presenting dramatic images which were both powerful and menacing.

Now, however, an altogether more colourful view of the Fuhrer has emerged.

More than 62 years after his death in a Berlin bunker, images from a newly opened Paris archive show him relaxing with children in the Eagle’s Nest, his mountain top chalet in the Alps near Berchtesgaden, Bavaria.

The piece that I've highlighted reminds me of the following comedy sketch. (Warning: Mild anatomical swearing near the end)

Today's gospel...

... reminded me of the following joke:

Father was visiting the infants' class and the children were showing him their Christmas drawings. One had drawn the baby Jesus, another the Wise Men and a third the shepherds. The fourth gave Father a picture of an aeroplane. "What's that?" he asked. "That's the flight into Egypt. There's Jesus, there's Mary and that's Joseph."
"Who's that up front?" the bemused priest asked.
"That's Pontius Pilot."

Crucified Santa

Via the Houston Chronicle:

BREMERTON, Wash. — Art Conrad has an issue with the commercialism of Christmas, and his protest has gone way beyond just shunning the malls or turning off his television.
The Bremerton resident nailed Santa Claus to a 15-foot crucifix in front of his house.
"Santa has been perverted from who he started out to be," Conrad said. "Now he's the person being used by corporations to get us to buy more stuff."
A photo of the crucified Santa adorns his Christmas cards, with the message "Santa died for your MasterCard."

Who is primary?

A Shakespearean take on a comedic classic - very mild bawdiness at the beginning.

Vote for Jesus

If Fr Sibley were still blogging, you can be sure that he'd have done a piece about the Japanese politican Mitsuo Matayoshi, who also likes to call himself The only God Mitsuo Matayoshi Jesus Christ. Wikipedia explains:

After a life of preacher he has developed a particular concepts of Christianity, strongly influenced by Eschatology. In 1997 He established the World Economic Community Party (世界経済共同体党) based on his conviction that he is the God and Christ.
His concept is both religious and political, a mix of christian eschatology like Augustine's De civitas Dei and modern political moralistic conservatism. According to his program he will do the Last Judgement as the Christ but the way to do this is totally within the current political system and its legitimacy. His first step as the Savior is to be appointed the prime minister of Japan. Then he will reform Japanese society and then the United Nations should offer him the honor of its General Secretary. Then Matayoshi Jesus will reign over the whole world with two legitimate authorities, not only religious but also political.

I must have missed that chapter of the Apocalypse.
And his tactics?

He has become well-known for his eccentric campaigns where he urges opponents to commit suicide by hara-kiri (disembowelment, note that he avoids the more polite seppuku) and says that he will cast them into Gehenna.

There's a translation of some of his campain literature here.

After the Upper House Election, Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi should hand the seat of the Prime Minister to Jesus Matayoshi, the one true God. If he cannot, he should cut his belly and die. Jesus Matayoshi, the one true God, will throw him into the fiery depths of hell. The reason is that before you kill another person you should die yourself. The same goes to those voters who do not vote for Jesus Matayoshi, the one true God. You will understand the specific reason in election advertisements.

Uh-huh.

And for your penance...

One of the reasons it's great to be Catholic is the knowledge that one's unlikely to receive a penance like this in the confessional:

An Indian man who believed he had been cursed for stoning to death two dogs has atoned for his sin by marrying another dog in a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony.
P. Selvakumar, a 33-year-old farm labourer from the southern state of Tamil Nadu, married the four-year-old stray bitch after it was bathed and processed to his village temple dressed in an orange sari and garlanded with flowers.
He was reported to have suffered a series of physical ailments after stoning the dogs to death and hanging their bodies from a tree.
“After that my legs and hands got paralysed and I lost hearing in one ear,” said Mr Selvakumar after the ceremony with his new "bride", whose name is Selvi.
A reception attended by some 200 guests was held for the newlyweds in the groom's house during which Selvi grew restless and ran away.

How embarassing...

Lucy, over at City of Steeples, links to an unfortunate flier for a 'Lakefront Procession'. The hapless organisers have decided to advertise the presence of a Prince of the Church by referring to him as 'Possible successor to Pope Benedict XVI'. Needless to say, I doubt that either of the participating prelates would have given the okay to such a description.

~ Zadok the Roman
Possible Successor to St Augustine

(Who should I bribe to be made titular Bishop of Hippo?)

Holy Oil?

From the Telegraph:

A patch of oil that vaguely resembles the face of Jesus Christ has fetched more than $1,500 in an online auction.
An American family that found the image on its garage floor sold it on eBay for $1,525.69 (£755) earlier this week.
Deb Serio, a high school teacher, said she was surprised anyone wanted to buy the oily slab of concrete.
"I really never thought I'd get any [money], to be honest," she said.
Ms Serio received hundreds of messages from around the world from people interested in the "smudge of Christ".
The family has now hired a contractor to remove the section of concrete.
The slab will then be delivered to the winner of the online auction, who is identified only as "islandoffthecoast."
An active Lutheran, Ms Serio considers the smudge a slightly odd occurrence, rather than a divine sign or miracle.
"There are some people who need this kind of thing to sort of start them on their faith journey. I don't," she said.
"That's why I don't mind parting with it."

Pretty cool Youtube Clip - The Virtual Barbershop

Play this whilst wearing headphones. Very impressive!

Noel Coward - Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Incomparable!

Happy Ascension Sunday!

(Click to enlarge)

Photo-morphin' fun.

I'm afraid I've wasted an awful lot of time on this excellent photo-morphing site courtesy of the University of St Andrews.

Deputy Dressed As Leprechaun Tickets Speeding Drivers

From Youtube:

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- Speeding and aggressive drivers in Orange County needed more than the luck of the Irish to avoid a traffic citation on Thursday.
An Orange County sheriff's deputy dressed as a leprechaun and equipped with a laser speed-detection gun targeted speeding and reckless motorists in the area of University Boulevard and state Road 417.
The "leprechaun" also held a sign reading, "Watch your speed or it will cost you your pot of gold."
Motorcycle units stopped violators and issued the traffic citations after being informed by the "leprechaun" via radio. Officials said they issued about a ticket per minute.
(snip)
In the past, Orange County sheriff's deputies have targeted speeding motorists while dressed as an elf, the Grinch and a man waiting for a bus.

Something "interesting" and "fun"

The Gallery of "Misused" Quotation Marks.

Oooooops!

From the New York Times:

ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) -- What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.
According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.